Revelations
by jakefanatic
Summary: Formally known as Truth and Honor sorry didn't like that title; What happens during Jacob and Sam's little father-daughter vacaction - plot suggested by Selmak and her Tok'ra spies.
1. Out of the Frying Pan

When Sam first learned of her father's capture she felt sick deep down in her gut as if his capture had been her fault. Aside from the fact that he was a grown man and fully capable of making his own decisions, she knew he became a Tok'ra only because of her. She wasn't ready for him to die from cancer then. And she made damn sure he didn't die in some pit on some moon resembling the depths of hell.

That moment she had heard his voice calling her name a wave of pure relief moved through her. However, the relief was momentary. Enduring four days of torture had left him so physically weak and exhausted he could barely move. And to make matters worse, Selmak was dying leaving Sam's father to his own faculties.

It deeply troubled Sam to think of those four days her father had been alone and possibly without hope. She wondered what toll that had on his mental well being. The team had only been there for a day but Sam quickly learned that Netu was a difficult place even without the torture.

And now that they were finally safely onboard the ship Sam was able to focus all her attention on her father and tend to any of his needs. She was pleasantly surprised when he suggested they take a father daughter vacation. The idea seemed to give him renewed energy. But Sam knew him better than he realized. Always the strong soldier. Selmak hadn't smoothed out that rough edge yet.

So, of course Sam saw right through his front and noticed the anguished looked in his eyes and the tiredness in his already exaggerated movements. For the moment, she decided not to pursue the matter. He was exhausted, so was she. Plus he was safe, resting comfortable next to her. Besides, they would be home soon enough; there she planned on talking with him during their little vacation together.

* * *

Jacob was glad for the hot shower and the change of clothes. Not only was it refreshing but it was a chance to get away from Sam's probing eyes. She had kept an almost annoying watchful eye on him during the whole trip home.

He knew she was worried for him. Even his good friend George Hammond was worried. He threatened to not allow Jacob to leave the base until he had a visit to the infirmary.

However, the infirmary was the last place he wanted to be. And as Dr. Fraiser continued to examine him the more he regretted being there. He didn't need a doctor that's what Selmak was for. The little snake knew him better than any doctor possible could. Plus, Jacob already knew even with the medicine Martouf gave him it would take Selmak several days to fully recover from their ordeal and that the best thing he could do for her was to rest.

Add this realization to the fact that Jacob was a stubborn man who disliked doctors and would avoid them whenever possible finally pushed him over the edge. He suddenly yanked the thermometer out of his mouth and shoved it into Dr. Fraiser's hand.

"What good is it going to do to take my temperature? Haven't you poked and prodded me enough to figure out I need rest?" Jacob snapped to an absolutely shocked Dr. Fraiser.

Jacob hopped off the bed forcing the good doctor to either get out of his way or get knocked on her ass. Thankfully she quickly moved. He didn't really want to hurt her. He just had an overwhelming need to get the hell out of there, to be outside in the open with fresh air to breathe.

* * *

A few beds over, Jack had been resting comfortably when a loud crash caught his attention. He looked to see Jacob storming out of the infirmary right past Major Carter. In his wake a nurse quickly picked up medical instruments off the floor and a stunned Dr. Fraiser still standing with her mouth wide open.

"Hey Doc!" Jack called to her seeing she was gearing up to drag Jacob back into the infirmary if necessary. Jack believed she could do it too! Under other circumstance he would have like to see it too.

"Not now Colonel," she said fully determined to get her patient.

"Janet...let him go," Jack insisted.

"Sir..."

"Just...let him go. The man's been through hell the past few days. The last thing he needs is a doctor telling him about things he already knows. Trust me...I know."

Janet frowned at him. Jack knew it was against her nature to let one of her patients go so easily. However for some reason, whether he was that convincing or the fact that Major Carter went chasing after her father, Janet didn't go after Jacob.

* * *

"Dad!"

He didn't stop so Sam hurried after him.

"Dad!" she said grabbing his arm.

"Oh...sorry Sam. I didn't hear you," he said barely hiding the irritation in his voice. "Can we get the hell out of here yet?"

"Yeah, I was coming to tell you everything's been arranged," she said noticing how anxious he was. "I just have to change my clothes."

"Good, I'll meet you at your car."

"Dad...you ok?"

"I'm fine Samantha. I just need some fresh air."

"Ok," she frowned and watched him walk down the tunnel towards the elevator.

She was really worried about him now as she headed back to the infirmary. There were only a few occasions when he would call her Samantha. The most often being when she was in trouble and had to be sent to her room. However, that wasn't the case here. Sam was an adult that didn't need to be lectured or sent to bed without dinner by her father anymore.

Another occasion was the day he dropped the bomb about getting her into NASA. He was annoyed with her choice of not accepting his offer to make her dreams come true. Of course, at the time, he had no idea about the Stargate and that what she was doing went beyond her dreams.

The only other occasion was when he returned home from one particular mission. She had forgotten about that day until now. It was the one and only time he had ever come home injured or with an injury that she could see. He had picked her up holding her close when she noticed the bruises on his face. When she had asked him about them, he said the same exact words, 'I'm fine Samantha'. He even had that anguished look in his eyes when he said it. She was only three years old at the time but she was already smart enough to know something was troubling her father.

* * *

Leaning against the car with his arms folded across his chest, Jacob breathed in the crisp cold air slowly and deeply. Powdered snow covered the ground and the skies were threatening to drop more. At the moment he didn't care as he closed his eyes.

The open space and the cold air felt great. He didn't even care that he wasn't dressed for the cold weather wearing only his green fatigues. Even in Selmak's weakened condition he still had a far superior immune system compared to anyone on his planet and couldn't even catch a cold.

He was worried about Selmak though. This was the first time since their blending that he felt her distance herself from his thoughts to the point where she was almost completely dormant within him.

After they're blending it had taken him a while to get used to having another voice in his mind. There were a few times he wondered if he would have gone through with the blending if he had known beforehand what he was really getting into. With her inside his mind there was no where for him to hide, no where to just be alone. And being a gentleman and a man of honor, he didn't think it appropriate to tell her to shut up. But there were a couple of times he wished he could have turned her off.

Now that there was only silence he truly missed her almost constant chatter and her amusing comments. He even missed her nagging. The one thing he learned to truly enjoy about Selmak was that she always had something to say and never hesitated to say it.

'Selmak?' he called softly in his mind.

For the longest moment all he could hear was his own breathing.

'Selmak?' he called again.

'Yes, Jacob,' came a faint reply.

She sounded so weak to him. He was suddenly frightened for her.

'Do not worry Jacob. I will be fine. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Just don't over exert yourself. And don't get injured...I won't be able to heal you right away.'

Jacob chuckled sensing her usual annoyance towards him getting injured. Ever since becoming a Tok'ra he has been injury prone. He thought it was because he tried going one way and Selmak was trying to make him go another way. The result being him getting injured.

'It's not my fault,' she protested obviously hearing his thoughts. 'You're just too damn stubborn and don't always listen to reason.'

'Ok...Ok, I'll try to be careful...just...just take care of yourself.'

'I always do...for both our sakes.'

Jacob sighed feeling a little better. But there was still an empty feeling when she withdrew again.

Opening his eyes he was startled to see Sam standing in front of him smiling.

"Selmak?"

"Yeah, he cracks me up all the time," he smiled.

"How is he?" she asked unlocking the passenger door.

"Resting."

He saw her frown out of the corner of his eye as he got in the car. Thankfully she didn't question him further after getting in the car and starting it up.

"I thought we could head home first, pack some clothes then get something to eat. All your clothes are there so you can change too."

"I hoped that was the case when I noticed my civilian clothes were missing from my locker."

"I had them cleaned but kept forgetting to return them."

"So, where will we be going?"

"General Hammond gave me the location of a cabin in the mountains a few hours away. I know it's not Alaska but it's cold and secluded, just what you wanted and it's ours for the week. Plus, I didn't think you wanted to sit on some transport plane for hours."

"Sounds perfect," he sighed relaxing into his seat.


	2. Plans

Colonel Maybourne was driving his car when his cell phone rang. He quickly reached into his coat pocket and answered it.

"Maybourne......He's on Earth? For how long?......Yes, I can have a team ready to go in less than an hour......No there won't be a problem this time. If I might add the last time he was with his family. There were children present. My men weren't willing to risk harming his grandchildren......Yes, I understand......May I ask what happened......He's injured......Hasn't fully recovered? Then he's vulnerable......Yes, I agree. It sounds like the ideal situation. What is his location?"

* * *

During the drive to the cabin Sam would periodically glance at her father. His energy was slowly returning. She assumed from two large servings of dinner he had eaten were part of the reason. When questioned why he had eaten so much he merely replied that he was doing to help out Selmak.

His reply made Sam wonder just how badly the symbiote had been injured. Dr. Fraiser wasn't able to determine the symbiote's condition. Sam did learn from the doctor that her father had markings and bruises consistent with the use of a Goa'uld hand device and pain stick. She did notice that his forehead looked a little sunburned, a common mark left by extensive use of a hand device.

"The cabin's just up ahead," she said point towards a small clearing up the snow covered dirt road.

"Good timing too," he said as tiny flakes began falling.

"I checked the weather before leaving the base. We're not expecting any heavy snow fall, so there's no chance of being confined to the cabin."

"What's so bad about being stuck with your old man? Afraid we'll have nothing to talk about?" he joked.

Sam saw he genuinely smiled. It wasn't a big smile but it was good to see some of his old self returning.

"Is there anything you want to do tonight? Maybe some of that talking?" she asked putting the car in park and looking directly at him.

"It's kind of late Sam. I would like to get a good night sleep. I haven't had one in nearly a week," he answered staring out the window.

Sam could tell he was purposely avoiding her gaze. The whole time at dinner he barely even made eye contact with her. And during the drive she did all the talking. She kept telling herself he just needs a little time. A good night sleep sounded like a good idea.

"Ok, I understand," she smiled.

* * *

"We're to arrive at our destination by 0700," Major Starks explained. "As I said before the cabin is in a secluded area, the only witnesses, if any, will be the wildlife."

"What about Major Carter?" Lt. Kelso asked.

"Shouldn't be a problem. I've been assured that he will be alone at some point. There are trails in the surrounding area of the cabin. It is safe to assume he'll use one of them. We are not to underestimate him. He won't go down without a fight."

"Sir, are you joking? Isn't he past his prime?" Lt. Anderson asked smiling.

However Starks wasn't smiling when he replied.

"His record speaks for itself...he is one tough son of a bitch. And if that doesn't convince you, know this. As a Major during the Vietnam War he survived nearly a week of being tortured in a POW camp...then he escaped," Starks paused seeing Anderson's smile disappear. "So, we are not to underestimate him, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Intel says he's extremely intelligent. Describing him as stubborn would be an understatement. Most importantly, he is very protective of his family and his friends. Which is why we need to grab him when he's away from his daughter. And our best chance will be within 24 hours of their arrival."

"Why is this General so important?"

"I don't know. Our orders are merely to get him and take him to the rendezvous point. And, I was given specific orders that he was not to be harmed. Understood?"

All three of his men nodded to acknowledge him.

"Good, let's go over it again. I don't want anything to go wrong during this operation. We may not get another opportunity like this again."


	3. Remembering

Author's notes: _Italic_ denote's a dream or a memory

* * *

Selmak woke up suddenly when warning signs went off for Jacob's vitals. His heart was racing. His breathing was rapid and shallow. She could hear his voice but he wasn't speaking coherently. It quickly dawned on her that he was dreaming.

The images she saw in his mind were of their torture but they were intermixed with other images. Images she didn't recognize. These new images appeared to be from a time before Selmak blended with Jacob. A long time before their blending.

At first she thought they might be part of his imagination. Possibly from one of those epic war movies she's forced to endure when visiting earth. However, the emotions these images provoked in Jacob were too intense therefore Selmak knew they had to be real memories.

Of course Selmak knew most everything about Jacob and he knew most everything about her. There were certain memories she wasn't willing to share with him but he wasn't aware of that. Which is why she never forced him to give up memories of his own that he didn't want to share. She had always assumed they were precious memories of his wife.

Their ordeal on Netu must have triggered these particular memories to the surface and they had nothing to do with his wife. What brief glimpses Selmak saw weren't enough to lead her to their source. But they did help to explain why Jacob was more prepared for their torture than she had expected. Selmak was surprised and she was rarely surprised. Unfortunately, circumstances at the time prevented her from questioning him.

Now was definitely not the time to question him and in her weakened condition, she was unable to help him through his nightmare. Despite the pain and anguish she felt from Jacob, she retreated leaving him alone. She knew he had to come to terms with what happened to them. It merely depended on how much help he would want.

* * *

_Jacob tensed in preparation for the pain stick. Selmak had blacked out again, from lengthy use of the hand device, leaving him alone. He didn't blame her. It wasn't her fault. She had blocked as much of the pain from him for as long as she possibly could before succumbing._

_Sokar was only an observer now having stopped his questioning long ago. Jacob gave him his best defiant glare with a few choice words from his own language, not allowing himself to show any signs of weakness. The Goa'uld simply laughed softly so Jacob spat an obscenity the Goa'uld would understand. Sokar's nostrils flared and he signaled his first prime. _

_Jacob had an image of the soldier smirking as he readied the pain stick. He could even feel the buzzing energy from the device nearing the back of his neck._

* * *

A loud cry woke Sam up from her sleep. It sounded like someone in excruciating pain. She hurried into the next bedroom where her father was and turned on a light.

From the pained expression on his face she assumed the nightmare he was having had something to do with his torture.

"Dad, wake up," she said gently nudging him.

"STOP IT!" he growled as he tossed and turned.

"Dad! Wake up!" she urged grabbing him and shaking him.

"STOP! YOU'RE HURTING HER!" he shouted angrily.

"DAD!" she shouted trying to hold him still as he struggled against her. "DAD!"

He suddenly stopped struggling and became more relaxed. His breathing slowly returned back to normal as she remained with him. When he spoke again she could barely hear him.

"Shh, it's ok dad. It's only a dream," she whispered to him laying her hand gently on his cheek.

His eyes suddenly opened but Sam could see he wasn't entirely awake when he looked right at her.

"Sammie? You should be in bed sweetie...daddy will be fine."

"Daddy will be fine," he repeated as he closed his eyes.

"Dad," she whispered leaning closer but he didn't reply.

She only heard him snoring softly. So she decided to stay with him to make sure he was resting peacefully. While watching him she began remembering more about that day so long ago. He had a nightmare that night too.

* * *

_It was the middle of the night and Sam happened to be awake when she heard a shout that sounded like her daddy's voice. Concerned and curious, she went to look for him. When she found him he was sitting on the living room couch wearing only his pajama bottoms with his face buried in his hands._

_She immediately noticed the white bandages on his chest. And as she got closer she saw the bruises on his ribs and the scratches on his arms. She was suddenly frightened for him. It was such a shock. She had never seen her daddy hurt before. Sam started to cry._

_His head quickly jerked head up at the sound of her sniffles making her jump back. Sam cried even more thinking she was now in trouble for being out of bed._

"_Shouldn't you be in bed young lady?" he asked with warm smile reaching for her and pulling her onto his lap. "It's ok. Don't cry Sam."_

_His arm wrapped around her holding her close against his chest as he wiped her tears away. And for the longest time he didn't say anything. He didn't have too, she always liked to rest her head against his chest and listen to him breathing or his heart beating._

_Sam remained quiet and still while he held her, sensing it was what he needed. However, she was only three, she couldn't keep quiet for too long. And she couldn't help but notice the pillow and blanket on the couch._

"_Why are you sleeping here daddy?" she innocently asked._

"_Because I don't want to keep waking up mommy."_

"_Why were you waking her up?"_

"_I was having bad dreams?"_

"_Why?"_

"_I can't tell you why sweetie."_

"_Grown up stuff?"_

"_That's right. You know, you are too smart for your age," he smiled pushing her hair back._

_Sam tentatively touched one of the bandages._

"_Do they hurt?"_

"_You don't need to worry Sam, daddy's fine," he smiled taking her hand into his and getting to his feet with her in one arm. "However, daddy won't be fine if mommy founds out you are out of bed."_

"_You'll get in trouble!" she smiled when they reached her room._

"_Big trouble!" he said making her giggle as he set her gently in her bed._

"_I'm glad you're home daddy," she said while he pulled her covers over her._

"_Me too," he smiled then kissed her on the forehead. "Now go to sleep."_

"_Daddy!" she called as he was walking away._

"_What is it?"_

_Sam waited until he was near her then put her hand on his face and smiled, "I love you daddy."_

"_Love you too kid," he said holding her hand and kissing it. "Now go to sleep before I get in trouble."_

"_Jacob?"_

"_Oh, crap," he whispered with a smile. "Shh, you didn't hear that. You're asleep remember?"_

_Sam nodded and closed her eyes but kept listening._

"_I was just checking on Sam. I thought I woke her up."_

"_Another nightmare?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Jacob, you should get some help."_

"_Allison, you know how I feel about doctors..."_

_The door was shut, leaving Sam alone in the darkness. But she was content. Her daddy was home. She had missed him...a lot. She knew something was troubling him but she also knew that mommy could fix it. Mommy could fix anything from booboos to hurt feelings. Daddy seemed to have both. Yes, Sam was confident mommy could help him._

* * *

It was two in the morning when Sam quietly got to her feet. She adjusted the blanket, being careful not to disturb him.

She had kept watch over her father for the past hour. Most of it spent trying to keep him calm during his nightmares. It was an emotionally exhausting task. Her father was actually so tired he seemed unable to wake up. Sam finally realized there was nothing she could do while he slept.

At least for now he was sleeping more peacefully. He hadn't moved during the last fifteen minutes. All she could do was hope he would remain like that for the rest of the night.

Sam sighed heavily looking at him one last time before turning the light off. She had a rough day ahead of her and she needed her rest if she was going to be of any help to her father.


	4. Anger and Frustration

Author's notes: _Italic's_ denotes voice heard through radio receiver

* * *

Jacob suddenly woke up feeling trapped. In his disorientation he panicked not realizing his legs were tangled in the bed sheets. As he attempted to scramble off the bed he knocked a small lamp over sending it onto the floor. The loud crash quickly brought him to his senses.

"Hopefully Sam didn't hear that," he said, sitting there staring at the mess on the floor.

"Dad!" Sam called from just outside his bedroom door.

"Oh crap!"

With a heavy sigh he slowly got to his feet, straightening his pajama bottoms.

"Dad!" she called again more urgently while knocking on the door forcing him hurry before she tried to open it.

"I'm fine," he said opening the door. "I was still half asleep when I knocked over the lamp."

She frowned at him.

"Sam, I'm fine," he insisted.

"Dad, you're not fine. You were having nightmares most of the night."

"Sam..."

"You were just screaming in your sleep again."

Jacob swallowed hard and took a step back. He honestly couldn't remember screaming. But it did explain why his throat felt scratchy. It must have been one hell of a shout.

"I think we should go back to the base and have the doctor check you and Selmak out," she said stepping into the room.

"We're fine."

"Dad, you are not fine. Selmak should have healed your injuries by now," she said pointing to some of the bruises on his ribs.

"Sam, we're fine," he said grabbing his pants and T-shirt on the way into the small bathroom for his bedroom. "Selmak will be fine. He just needs a few days to recover. Then he'll take care of me."

"Dad!" she called from outside.

"I'm listening," he sighed wearily, grateful she didn't follow him in as he started to get dressed.

While Sam continued he caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror. He looked tired. No longer listening to Sam's words, he looked more closely at his reflection. In it he could see the dark circles under his eyes, the burn mark on his forehead, and his soft beard stubble.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" she asked, her voice sounding much closer to the doorway.

He quickly washed and dried his face, purposely ignoring her question. However, when he pulled the towel away Sam was standing in the doorway, arms folded across her chest.

"Dad, what are you hiding?" she demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered walking past her.

"Was there a woman captured with you?"

"What? No!" he said sitting on the bed and putting his boots on. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"Dad, you kept yelling for them to stop hurting her."

Refusing to look up, he continued to slowly tie the laces on his boots. He really didn't want to look at Sam. If he did he would then have to answer her questions. But even though he didn't look he could feel her glare.

It was the same feeling he used to get when he would look away and avoid answering her mother's questions. It's not that he really wanted to look away from his wife. Allison always looked beautiful to him even when they were arguing. But that was the problem, she was too beautiful which made it harder to resist. So he learned to turn away. Only Allison learned too. She would change her tactics and always had a sneaky way of getting him to answer her questions even if she couldn't get the answers out of him directly.

"I know you're not ready...but I want you to know that I'm here if you need me," she said sitting beside him.

'Just as determined as your mother...only you're not your mother,' he thought to himself as he got to his feet and put his jacket.

"Dad..."

"You're right Sam, I'm not ready," he snapped angrily but he wasn't angry with her, she was only trying to help. "I don't even know when I will be ready! And when I am, I wouldn't even know who to talk to. I'm certainly not going to talk to some damn shrink. I didn't after 'Nam and I'm not going to now!"

He didn't even know why he just mentioned Vietnam to her. The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he was saying. And the last thing he wanted to do was give any more ideas to Sam. He knew her brain was already trying to figure things out about him.

This whole Netu incident dredged up some old memories. Memories he didn't want to remember. Memories he thought had been buried.

The room suddenly felt to confining, he had to get out of there. He didn't bother waiting for Sam to respond when he hurried out of the room and made his way outside.

Standing there in the snow, Jacob suddenly hesitated. Looking back he saw Sam had not followed. He debated about going back and apologizing to her. What he did was rude and he knew that. But he couldn't tell her what happened to him on Netu. He couldn't tell her about 'Nam either. His little girl didn't need to know about such things.

And in that moment, Jacob felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. His heart ached and he was filled with such sadness. He missed Allison, almost desperately. She had been the one and only person he could ever talk to. She also had been the only person who knew him and knew what to say to him to get him to open up.

* * *

It was cold. Too cold to be lying on the snow covered ground. But Kelso waited and watched, as were his orders. Glancing at his watch he saw it was almost nine-o clock. He had been waiting for more than an hour when the front door suddenly flung open. Zooming in with his scope he saw General Carter...finally.

"Target has been spotted," he reported quietly.

"_What's his heading?_"

"No heading yet," he said watching as the General was pacing.

"Come on, make up your mind," he whispered to himself as the General looked indecisive about leaving or returning back to the cabin.

It took a few minutes but finally the man made up his mind.

"Target is taking the northeast trail."

"_Copy that. Keep watch in case the daughter follows_."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

The flames in the fireplace burned brightly and seemed to fuel Sam's frustration even more. She got up and started pacing thinking about how to help her father. There were many times she wondered if he actually knew how much of a pain in the ass he could be. This was one of those times.

Her father was a stubborn man. Fortunately for Sam, she was equally stubborn. His anger didn't bother her; she knew it wasn't directed towards her. He was just angry, probably with himself. But what he said before hurrying out of the room kept echoing in her mind.

Sam had known of his service during the Vietnam War but she never knew what he did or what happened to him, only that he was hurt when he came home. Remember back, she now realized it was never the physical pain that was bothering him.

Something happened. When combining her knowledge of the war with what happened to him on Netu didn't make it difficult for her to figure out he had been tortured in 'Nam.

Only things weren't adding up. She knew her father was mentally tough to endure torture, maybe not Goa'uld torture, but he was prepared. From him talking, or shouting, during his nightmares Sam could only assume that he wasn't alone when captured. And yet he denied anyone was with him.

Sam let out a loud heavy sigh as she rubbed her temples. She was getting a headache. All she had was assumptions. If she was going to help him, she needed to know more. So she grabbed the phone and called the one person who could possibly tell her what exactly happened to her father during the war. It was the only way.


	5. It's An Ambush

Author's notes: language and violence

* * *

Starks had the General in his sights but a few tree branches blocked his shot and he didn't want to give away his position by moving. He knew Anderson and Ford were in position to grab the General if necessary. In fact Anderson was actually less than ten feet from the target. His men were there only as a last resort. But Starks didn't want to risk injuring the target. So he decided to wait until he had a clear shot.

However, for some reason the General had stopped walking. Starks watched as the man looked behind him then slowly scanned the surrounding landscape.

"Anderson, Ford, hold your positions. He knows something," Starks spoke softly into his radio knowing only they would hear his transmission. "I may have to move to get a clear shot."

* * *

Coming to a stop, Jacob couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. Instinct and more than thirty years in the Air Force, not forgetting the hundreds of years experience he gained from Selmak, told him if he thought he was being watched then he probably was. 

His dark eyes narrowed as he carefully took in his immediate surroundings. It was quiet. Something one would expect when standing on a trail in-between the sparsely scattered trees. Only it was too quiet. There were no bird songs, no wildlife activity.

The small hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood up. Every fiber of his being told him to get the hell out of there. He wasn't looking forward to a confrontation. His energy level was still low but he would be ready and he didn't actually need to wake Selmak up for her help. Just her presence would make him stronger if necessary. Besides, as Selmak's host it was his duty to protect her...wasn't he?

Major Starks was extremely confident in his abilities as a marksman. And he found it rather amusing that the General made such an easy target standing there with his hands on his hips and his jacket open. Knowing the tranquilizer gun wouldn't make much noise when fired, Starks pulled the trigger.

The dart hit the General Carter in the center of his chest, precisely where the Major was targeting. Starks was a little disappointed, the General didn't seem at all surprised by it. Still, Starks had to smile. It would only take a few more seconds for the tranquilizer to do its work.

'That was way too easy,' he thought to himself, his smile widening.

However, after those few seconds ticked away his smiled quickly faded. He watched in disbelief as Carter yanked the dart out and glared towards the direction it was shot from. The man was not going down and he looked really pissed!

"Son of a bitch!" Starks exclaimed quickly ducking down. "Move in...now!"

* * *

The dart had barely hit the ground when Jacob spotted something stirring in the snow a few feet from him. He was instantly reminded of the Tok'ra popping up from beneath the sand to surprise an approaching enemy. Then he unexpectedly had a brief memory flash of a Vietnamese soldier jumping out from a rain soaked bush directly in front of him. 

Jacob sprang into action, much like he did long ago, and pounced on the emerging soldier. His reaction was that of the well-trained soldier he was, filled with controlled rage. That rage seemed to give him the strength he needed. And he had a lot of rage inside him today.


	6. A Man of Action

Author's notes: language and violence

* * *

Hammond sighed. He could hear Major Carter's frustration over the phone. Being a good friend of her father, George knew all to well how much of a pain Jacob could be. Unfortunately, George didn't have the answers she was seeking. Still, he was intent on doing what he could to help.

"I'm truly sorry I can't help you. If I could I would. Unfortunately, your father's black ops missions during Vietnam are all still classified, even to me. But I do know a man who may be able to answer your questions, unofficially of course. General William Garrett, retired, he was your father's CO during 'Nam. I happen to know Garrett keeps tabs on all of the men that were under his command over there, including your father. If you tell the General you're Jake Carter's daughter he'll probably talk to you."

* * *

"Shit!" Starks cursed as he pushed himself up onto his feet. "Kelso, report to our position...now!"

Starks hurried full speed through the snow, only it didn't seem fast enough. He watched helplessly as the General had taken out Anderson with swift efficiency before he turned to confront Ford. In an instant the young lieutenant was at a disadvantage and didn't stand much of a chance.

Carter's reputation didn't do him justice. The man was cunning, ruthless and strong moving with the agility of a soldier still in his prime. His actions demanded admiration and respect. Both of which Starks suddenly had in abundance.

Only this was no time for idolization. There was a mission to complete. And that mission was in jeopardy. Anderson was lying unconscious on the ground. Kelso was too far away to assist. And Ford was falling to the ground after being incapacitated. But Starks was just a few feet away now and launched himself towards General Carter.

* * *

Jacob had barely finished handling the second assailant when a third slammed into him from behind. The man must have been running at full speed as Jacob quickly found himself heading face first towards the ground. He didn't even have enough time to stick an arm out to absorb some of the impact. And with the full weight of the assailant on Jacob's back he hit the ground hard.

The force of the impact only momentarily stunned Jacob, grateful he managed to turn his head to the side just before impact. A broken nose would have really pissed Selmak off in her current condition. Even if she were one hundred percent a broken bone would take up to a day to heal. Also, if Jacob got injured too badly before Selmak had completely recovered it could do her even more harm. And he didn't want that to happen.

Quickly reacting to his predicament Jacob pushed at the ground in an attempted to use the momentum, cause by the force of the collision, to his advantage. Only his attacker was equally determined. Powdered snow flew into the air in a wild furry as both men punched, wrestled, and rolled across the ground. Each man desperately trying to gain the advantage over the other.

Finally Jacob managed to get the upper hand and used his body weight to pin his attack down on his backside. Jacob immediately started pounding on the other man. The man was actually bigger than Jacob and should easily have beaten Jacob, the old Jacob Carter that is. However, the new and improved Jacob, who hadn't fully tested his Selmak enhanced hand to hand combat abilities until today, wasn't so easy to beat. Even though Selmak had already explained her effect on him, Jacob couldn't help but be pleasantly surprised.

Then the ground suddenly shifted beneath surprising the hell out of the two men. Jacob had actually stopped his arm in mid swing and they both became very still. For a few seconds all Jacob could hear was their heavy breathing. Then he heard the crackling noises.

'This can't be good!' Jacob thought when realized they were on a thin layer of ice.

The moment Jacob came to that conclusion the ice gave way. His attacker was sucked down into the icy blackness pulling Jacob with him.


	7. Revelations Part One

Author's notes: strong language; italics denote's voice from telephone

* * *

"_Jake Carter's little Sam?"_

"Yes, sir. That's right, although I'm not a little girl anymore," Sam smiled.

"_No you are not. I hear you're a Major in the Airforce. Well done. That must make your old man proud. He was always proud of you and your brother, even if he didn't say it. Us father's have a hard time saying such things. And it doesn't get any easier as you kids grow older. But enough about that stuff, what's Jake gotten himself into these days? I kind of lost track of him a couple of years ago. It's like he just disappeared off the planet. He is alright isn't he?"_

"He's fine, sir," she barely managed to say.

She had to sit there in amazement as she listened to Garrett over the phone. The man could talk! He was at least ten to twelve years older than her father but the man could have been her age or younger with the amount of energy she heard in his voice. However as much as she loved to hear a story about her father in a rather embarrassing situation, she had to stop him.

"Sir, I...I don't want to sound rude..."

"_What do you need to know?"_

Sam was stunned into silence. Wow, he was perceptive too!

"_Come on Sam, I knew your father well and I have a feeling you are a lot like him, which means you don't have time for bullshit either. Now whatever it is, it must be very important. So I'll ask you again, what do you need to know?"_

* * *

While Sam was learning what she could from Will Garrett, Selmak was experiencing the strangest sensation. More accurately her host was. Whatever it was, it was quite a jolt to Jacob's body.

She quickly accessed her host's memories of the most recent events. What she discovered was surprising.

Soldiers from the U.S. Government attacked Jacob. To her dismay, the attack didn't even surprise him, almost as if he had been expecting something like it to happen. But what infuriated her was the fact that he didn't call upon her for assistance.

'I didn't wake you because I had everything under control,' Jacob told her as he was coughing up ice cold water.

'Control? You call falling into a body of freezing water being in control? Better hurry up and get out.'

'What the hell do you think I'm trying to do!'

Selmak gave Jacob the equivalent of an eye roll and since he didn't ask for her help she wasn't going to offer it to him. It was so typical of him not to ask for her help. Always thinking he could do everything by himself.

The man was stubborn! One of his characteristics Selmak never had any influence over. The only solution was to wait until he was in over his head, which didn't happen too often but often enough that Selmak could tease him about it. Then she would give him one of her 'smart ass' remarks, as Jacob calls them, while coming to his aid.

Only this time Selmak was disappointed. After struggling for a few minutes Jacob managed to pull himself, and one other, out of the icy water. Her host seemed to be making an extra effort to not involve her and it was irritating her. Even after Jacob collapsed onto solid ground Selmak felt his body temperature had dropped slightly, but still, Jacob didn't ask for her help.

'What is that noise?' she asked after a few moments.

'My teeth clattering...I'm fucking freezing!'

That was her queue!

'You know, I could...'

'That's ok, I'm fine.'

Now that wasn't at all like Jacob. True he was stubborn and had his pride. However, when injured he never hesitated to accept her help, no matter what his mood was.

Still, after a long moment of absorbing Jacob's negative vibes through their emotional bond, Selmak couldn't help it when her next comment sounded sarcastic.

'At least you weren't in the water too long...no damage was done.'

'Is that an insult or a compliment for me saving your ass?'

'Really, Jacob there's no need for that tone.'

'Well, who do you think they were after? It certainly wasn't me!' he snapped, challenging her.

However, Selmak didn't want to get into an argument at the moment. She didn't have the energy and for once Jacob was right. At least she understood a little more about why he didn't wake her. He merely thought he was protecting her, she had to give him credit for that.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome,' Jacob said checking for a pulse on the soldier he had dragged out of the icy water. 'He's alive. But we better get the hell out of here. There still may be others.'

'Agreed'.

As Jacob slowly climbed to his feet Selmak took notice of the three unconscious soldiers. She was about to compliment him on a job well done when she heard a snide remark from him.

'Jacob!'

'Sorry...what can I say...it **was** easier taking care of them without you telling me what to do!'

If he had merely said the words it wouldn't have been so insulting but he was laughing too! Selmak glared at him in her usual way quickly letting him know she was not amused. And in an instant, she felt his amusement transform into remorse. She accepted his apology without hesitation.

It felt good too. It had been days since their last coherent conversation. She genuinely missed their talks and even their bickering. Such things only served to strengthen their bond. She could sense that Jacob missed them as well even though his mind had been preoccupied with other matters lately.

Even as they walked Selmak sensed the turmoil building up inside Jacob again. And he had become very quiet...too quiet. Now that the confrontation with the soldiers was over, his mind was no longer preoccupied with protecting her or with his own self-preservation. Again, she was surprised.

Normally Jacob's mind was very disciplined at keeping his emotions and thoughts in check. It was a quality that proved invaluable during their blending. And it was only while he slept that he ever let his guard down. But events of the past few days have opened a crack in that armor of his and buried memories had begun to surface.

'You never told me you were tortured before,' Selmak mentioned feeling Jacob's emotions briefly intensify.

'I guess we both didn't want to share those experiences with each other,' he countered.

'I am sorry Jacob. I learned not to share my few torture experiences with a new host long ago. Such memories sometimes interfered with our abilities to function when working 'undercover', as you like to call it.'

'Understandably.'

'Why do you not share it now?'

There was no reply from her host.

'It wasn't your fault. They were going to kill your friend no matter what you did. And they would have killed you too.'

'Back off! Go back to sleep or something!'

Selmak knew she touched upon a sensitive subject. She was experienced enough not to press Jacob any further. He wasn't ready to tell her. And she sensed this wasn't the only thing bothering him.

'Jacob, I do not know everything that happened to you and your friend. I have only seen a few glimpses during your nightmares. But I do know what happened to us and it is something you will have to come to terms with.'

She felt him tense up but wasn't sure if it had to do with her mentioning his nightmares or their shared experience on Netu.

'Talk with your daughter,' Selmak suggested gently.

'I can't.'

'You can't or you won't?'

There was no reply from Jacob. Just images flashing in his mind.

'I know she's not your wife...'

'Hey...back off!' he snapped angrily.

'...but Sam can help you,' she continued undaunted by his harshness. 'She wants to help. Allow her to.'

'I can't. There are some things my daughter doesn't need to know about.'

'Jacob, she not a little girl anymore. And she knows much more than you realize.'

'I just can't,' Jacob said with less conviction.

His emotions were now becoming too overwhelming. It was time for her to back off and leave him to his own thoughts. His scuffle had weakened him and their conversation wasn't doing her any good. Selmak had to withdraw. But she did it knowing Jacob would do what was right, even if it were something he didn't want to do.

* * *

Kelso arrived just as the members of the unit were coming around. When he knelt beside Major Starks he could hear the man's teeth rattling. He was also shivering badly. But when Kelso offered his assistance the Major shoved him away saying he was fine.

"Sir, what are we going to do?" Kelso asked.

"Get the fuck out of here. This place will be crawling with Airforce personnel looking for us," Starks said getting to his feet.

"What happened, sir?" Kelso asked as he and Anderson were helping Ford to his feet.

"Either we seriously under estimated him or we weren't given all the pertinent information on him. For one thing, he was a hell of a lot stronger than I was expecting. I mean I hit the guy with a tranquilizer strong enough to put down an elephant...it didn't even phase him!"

"Why wouldn't Colonel Maybourne give as all the info?"

"Need to know basis. I guess he thought we didn't need to know. I guarantee that won't be the case next time...if there is a next time."


	8. In From the Cold

The sound of the front door opening brought Sam to her feet. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was now or never. No matter what, she was determined to make her father talk. Only the second she saw him dripping wet, shivering in the doorway, and bleeding from his eyebrow she was forced to put that talk on a temporary hold.

"Oh, my God! Dad! What happened?" Sam asked hurrying to him.

"I was attacked. I suspect our government wanted to get their hands on Selmak," he said through his chattering teeth. "We'll have to call George and get a team out here...although I don't think my attackers will be out there by the time a team from the SGC arrives. But still we need to report it."

"That cut is bleeding badly!" she said noticing the amount of blood on his shirt.

"It's just a scratch," he replied as he attempted to touch the cut above his eye only she grabbed his arm first then dragged him to the bathroom.

"It's a gash! It needs medical treatment. So let me take care of it," she said forcing him to sit on the toilet seat.

"First I need to get warm by taking a hot shower and into some dry clothes. I feel like a Popsicle," he joked getting back on his feet.

"Sit!" she ordered and was surprised when he actually sat down.

She even surprised herself with the harshness of her voice towards him. Judging from the expression on his face she realized she might have been too harsh.

"Sorry dad," she sighed pulling a small first aid kit out of the medicine cabinet. "I just want to stop the bleeding."

He slowly nodded.

Silence filled the small room, except for Jacob's occasional teeth clattering. Sam quickly cleaned the deep cut. It was in fact a nasty gash, which required stitches, but she knew that wasn't going to happen and wasn't really necessary once Selmak was healed. So she did her best with what she had.

"OW!" he winced when she used a small bandage to pull the tender skin surrounding the cut together.

Sam didn't respond but merely repeated what she did with another bandage. Only this time his eyes locked onto hers. His features softened and he looked concerned.

"Are you ok Sam?"

"I'm just worried about you," she replied feeling her earlier frustrations returning.

"Sam I'll be fin..."

"And you're not doing Selmak any good getting hurt."

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Oh...now you can admit something's not your fault!" she snapped putting the first aid kit back in the medicine cabinet and slamming the door shut.

"Sam, I'm sorry about what happened earlier."

"I'm not mad at you dad. But you can be a real pain in the ass...and sometimes too self absorbed in your own pain to notice anyone else's."

"Sam..."

"Do you know when I first heard you were capture, all I could think about was that day mom died," she said seeing him flinch at her words. "I could see it all as if it had just happened. I've never forgotten that look on your face...you didn't even have to tell me mom was gone...I just knew."

He didn't say anything but he slumped on the seat and looked away from her. However it was not her intention to make him feel any worse than he already was.

"Dad, you have nothing to be sorry about," she spoke softly resting her hand gently on his shoulder. "Mom's death was an accident, it wasn't your fault. I forgave you long ago. But you've never forgiven yourself, even to this day. And it's the same with your friend...Michael Riley."

Jacob shot her a surprised look.

"His death wasn't your fault either," she said touching his face, seeing the sadness in his eyes. "I'll heat you up some soup, that should help to warm you up. I'll also call General Hammond and have a team sent out here. We'll talk later."


	9. Jacob's Past

Authors's notes: Italic's denotes memories; language and violence

* * *

"_Jacob, talk to me...please," Allison said gently resting her hand on his shoulder while she sat beside him on the edge of the bed._

_He didn't reply. Seeing that his hands were trembling slightly, he was afraid his voice would do the same if he spoke to her._

"_Jacob, please," she pleaded turning his face towards her. "I'm worried about you. Your nightmares are getting worse."_

_Jacob stared intently into her lovely blue eyes for a long moment. In them he could see that she was deeply worried. Her brow even had that little wrinkle she got when she something was troubling her. He sighed and gently caressed her wavy blonde hair noticing it had gotten longer while he was away. Yet despite her worried looks she appeared more beautiful to him than ever before._

"_You don't need to hear about such things," he whispered running his fingers through her soft hair._

"_Jacob, I'm not some dainty flower," she said. "I married you...didn't I?"_

"_And you've managed put up with me these past seven years," he chuckled softly._

"_I wouldn't trade them for anything," she smiled touching his face._

_But still, he couldn't tell her. True she was his wife and he loved her deeply. But she worried enough about him when he was on a mission. He didn't want to give her any ideas about what it was he actually did. Jacob reasoned that if she knew more, she would worry even more._

"_Jacob I already know about what happened."_

"_What?" he asked surprised._

"_Will Garrett contacted me. He basically told me that your unit was ambushed. You and Mike were captured and tortured. Mike was killed and somehow you escaped from a POW camp."_

"_He shouldn't have told you anything. It's all classified."_

"_Jacob, he's worried about you."_

"_He worries about all of the men under his command."_

"_I know, he told me that too. He had a lot to tell me about you."_

"_Colonel Garrett likes to talk too."_

"_Yeah, I noticed. I was amazed to hear so much vitality in his voice. He didn't sound like an officer in the military."_

"_The man loves the military and enjoys life to the fullest...he's always the optimist."_

_Allison sighed, "He wasn't very optimistic about your condition."_

_Jacob didn't like where the conversation was going. Only he knew Allison well, she wasn't going to let it go this time._

"_Jacob...honey...I know how stubborn you are and how you sometimes let your pride get in the way. But I'm your wife. I'm the mother of your children. I love you deeply. And I'm more afraid for you now then when you were over there."_

_He was surprised by her words and even more surprised at see tears in her eyes. Allison was not one to shed tears so easily. _

"_I've never heard you cry out like that in your dreams before," she continued. "Something is troubling you. And it will keep troubling you unless you tell someone about it. You can't keep it inside."_

"_Allison..."_

"_I'm not done," she said in her firm but gentle way._

_He waited a moment while she composed herself._

"_Did you know Sam was crying this morning?"_

"_No."_

"_She's afraid for you. She's only three but she is very perceptive when it comes to her daddy. She told me about the other night when she found you in the living room. She's worried too. Why else do you think she's been sneaking into bed with us every night these week. Even your son knows something's wrong."_

_Allison took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly._

"_Jacob, I can handle a lot more than you realize. I'm the wife of an Airforce Major. Hell my father was a Colonel in the Marines! You were so lucky he wasn't around when we met. He never would have let his only daughter marry some Airforce flyboy!"_

_Jacob chuckled suddenly feeling more relaxed. Allison's wonderful sense of humor with perfect timing always had a calming effect on him._

"_Tell me about Mike. Did he have a family?" she asked wrapping her arm around his waist._

"_A wife, Debbie," Jacob answered feeling his throat tighten and eyes burn. "A daughter, Rebecca. She's only a year old. Hell, Mike was just a kid himself. He was only twenty. Debbie was his high school sweetheart."_

"_You were good friends?"_

"_The best," he sighed. "Mike had only been with us a couple of weeks. But he integrated well into my unit. We were a close unit, all six of us, but Mike and I were the only ones with kids. He loved talking about his little girl just as much as I loved talking about Mark and Sam. He kept asking me questions about them wanting to learn as much as he could. Anything to be a better dad. As a result we became close friends."_

_He paused holding her hand closer to his chest. When he continued he was almost whispering._

"_The ambush happened so fast. When a Vietcong jumped out right in front of me...I just reacted, I didn't even think about what I was doing. And by the time the shooting died down everyone was dead, except Mike and me. But Mike's leg was shot up pretty bad. And I didn't even have a scratch! Not one scratch! While I was working on stopping the bleeding from his leg, Mike kept insisting that I leave him behind and save myself. I told him he was being ridiculous and that I would never do such a thing."_

"_It's not in your nature to leave anyone behind," she smiled gently massaging his back._

"_No, it's not," he sighed. "We managed to avoid the patrols for a few hours before we were found."_

_An uncontrollable tremor ran through his body and he squeezed his eyes shut as if he was trying to block out a memory. Allison's held him closer as if she were trying to protect him._

"_Shh...take your time," she said in a soothing voice._

"_I felt so helpless when the tortured Mike in front of me...but I couldn't let them know that. When Mike passed out I was so relieved. It meant they would leave him alone."_

"_But..."_

"_Allison, I could handle the beatings and the torture," he said as his voice grew more agitated. "But what happened to Mike after...was worse! The way he was killed...I was supposed to protect him...he was my responsibility! They were all my responsibility."_

"_Jacob, you can't protect everyone."_

"_I should have been able to do something!" he yelled._

_Jacob sighed and hung his head. He didn't mean to yell at her. He wasn't angry with her. It was a rare occasion when he was angry with her._

_When he felt her fingers comb through his thick hair he turned to see she wasn't hurt by his harshness. She didn't say anything but merely smiled and pulled him closer._

"_Tell me," she whispered soothingly._

* * *

Jacob had locked the door immediately after Sam left, just in case she changed her mind and wanted to have that talk sooner rather than later. But he had seen the determination in his daughter's eyes; not even a locked door was going to stop her.

That look reminded him so much of Allison. Allison had the same look in her eyes that night she coerced him into revealing what was really troubling him. And of course, after he told her everything the nightmares stopped and he had felt as if a great weight had been lifted of his chest.

Even though Jacob had unburdened himself to Allison, he couldn't entirely forgive himself for Mike's death. It was just too personal for Jacob to completely let go. And Sam was right. Even to this day he still hasn't forgiven himself for Allison's death. Her death was even more personal.

It just wasn't in his nature to forgive himself so easily when it came to the people he deeply loved. Probably had something to due with his damn stubbornness. Either way, it was a part of what made him the man he was. At least he was strong enough that he learned to live with it and tried his best to avoid such tragedies.

"Dad, your soup's ready!" Sam shouted as she knocked on the door snapping him out of his daze.

"Ok, thanks Sam," he shouted back over the sound of the water.

* * *

_It had been pouring rain all day. Yet it provided no relief during the heat and only caused the humidity level to rise even further. Plus it had been coming down so hard it made difficult for Jacob to eavesdrop on what the enemy soldiers were doing._

_Making it equally as difficult was the fact the he couldn't see much from the water cage he and Mike were in. Only because Mike was barely conscious and it took most of Jacob's attention and strength to keep his friend's head above the water._

_Jacob knew Mike wouldn't make it much longer. They had been in the camp for nearly a week. And being the only American soldiers held captive it made for long sessions of being beaten and tortured._

_Due to the amount of blood loss from Mike's leg injury he didn't last long during the first day. And had been in and out of consciousness ever since. Which was fine with Jacob. He knew Mike didn't have the mental toughness to endure torture, he was just a kid._

_But Jacob was getting physically weaker each day from the beatings making the need for escape even greater. He needed to make sure he had enough strength to carry Mike. This meant his plan for their escape had to be carried out soon._

"_Jake..."_

"_Shh, don't talk so loud," Jacob whispered keeping a look out._

"_Why didn't you leave me?" Mike asked in a hushed voice. "You could have gotten away if you left me."_

"_Mike, you know me. I couldn't do that. Like I said before...what would my family think if I abandoned you? How could my kids ever look up to their father?"_

_Jacob moved so he could see Mike's face before he continued._

"_Listen, I figured a way for us to get the hell out of here," Jacob whispered._

"_Jake...I don't even think I can walk," Mike said unable to hide his anxiety._

"_Don't worry about it," Jacob smiled seeing the young man's eyes instantly well up with tears. "I would never think of leaving you behind."_

_Mike sighed as his tears fell, "Jake...if...if I don't make it, promise me you will tell Debbie and Rebecca that I loved them very much."_

"_You're going to tell them yourself," Jacob said hugging Mike tight._

"_Jake...I don't have your strength!"_

"_Fuck that! I'm no more stronger than you are!"_

_Mike shook his head and smiled, "I'm not talking physical strength."_

_Jacob chuckled softly and grinned._

"_You want to know where I really get my strength from? My wife...my son and my daughter. They're always in my mind when I'm not concentrating on a mission. Always. I promised Allison I would come home and I intend on keeping that promise. The idea of my kids growing up without their father terrifies me more than this fucking war. I was young when I lost my father...I don't want my kids to have to go through that."_

"_Still...promise me, if I don't make it you will tell my wife and daughter," Mike said with full conviction._

"_Mike..."_

"_Promise me!" Mike gritted through his teeth grabbing Jacob by his shirt._

"_Ok Mike...I promise."_

"_You're a good man Jacob. I'm lucky to have you as a friend."_

"_Same...here," Jacob whispered as he watched two soldiers starting towards him and Mike. "Shh...they're coming."_

_While Jacob didn't understand what the two soldiers were saying, he didn't like the tone of their conversation as they drew closer. Jacob watched the two men intently as he helped Mike with keeping his head above the water. They seemed to be arguing about something. It obviously had something to do with either him or Mike._

_They're intentions may not have been clear. However, when a third soldier quickly came over his intention was immediately clear. In one fluid motion he quickly pulled out his revolver and fired._

_It had happened so fast that Jacob didn't even have time to react to the initial site of the gun. He was merely stunned until he felt Mike's body go limp in his arms._

_Jacob felt the muscles in his jaw and neck tighten with the rage that was building up inside of him as he looked into his friend's lifeless eyes. His eyes were burning like hell but he refused to allow his tears to fall. He wasn't going to give the fuckers the satisfaction._

_Instead he slowly turned and glared at the shooter. The man smiled and said something to Jacob, which only proceeded to anger Jacob even more. And when the gun was pointed directly at him, he felt that anger was about to explode._

_Normally Jacob was a reserved man, always keeping his emotions in check. He was trained to. It wasn't wise to loose one's head, or have an intense emotional outburst, especially during a combat situation. At the moment, Jacob didn't really give a shit._

"_Go ahead! Shoot!" Jacob growled grabbing the top of his cage. "DO IT!"_

_He didn't really want to die. He was actually scared to die. And dying was unacceptable in his book, not with a family to support._

"_DO IT!" he yelled rattling the door on his cage. "SHOOT YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!" _

_All three soldiers merely laughed as Jacob continued to push and pull violently on his cage door. The suddenly the latch broke. In an instant Jacob was out before the soldiers could react. While the original two were reaching for their guns, Jacob already had a hold of the gun the third soldier held before him, while it was still in the soldier's hand. The man had been so surprised by Jacob's escape that when he finally reacted it was too late. Jacob had already fired two shots and proceeded to rip the gun away. With the same emotionless face, Jacob pulled the trigger without hesitation._

_After grabbing what weapons he needed off the dead men, he reached for Mike and yanked the young man's dog tags off._

"_I'll keep my promise, Mike...I promise."_

* * *

With a heavy sigh Jacob wiped the steam from the mirror to reveal his reflection. He could see he had a new set of injuries on his face to go with his burnt forehead. Along with the gash on his eyebrow, he had a newly formed bruise on his cheek, a small cut on the bridge of his nose, and a split lip. But his physical wounds were the least of his worries.

It was his emotional scars that were giving him problems recently. His experience on Netu reopened those scars and really forced him to search deep within himself for answers. He even sensed Selmak gently rooting around in his memories when she was awake; he knew she would do anything to help him if she could, and vice versa.

And when Sam mentioned her mother's death it really got Jacob thinking. He remembered the conversation with Allison about the death of his friend. He remembered what happen with him and his kids after Allison died. In remembering, and thus revealing everything to Selmak, he had hoped that she might be of some help to possibly explain why he could never forgive himself. Why he couldn't let go of the blame he felt for Mike's death, for Allison's death, for his failings as a father, and finally his failure has Selmak's host.

Only Selmak didn't give him the answers he was seeking. But she was paying close attention to him and offered him a clue from his own past. It was a feeling he had during his conversation with Allison. Jacob recognized it, how could he not. During that conversation, Jacob didn't tell Allison everything. He was holding back. True the nightmares went away and he felt better. But there was that part of him that couldn't let go. The part of him Allison never knew about. A part of him no one knew about, at least no one until now.

Jacob suddenly came to the understanding he was seeking and wept. He immediately felt the loving warmth from Selmak as she comforted him.

'Jacob, you are a better man than your father was,' Selmak said soothingly to him. 'Most fathers would have been proud to have a son of your quality. He failed you. He tried to force you into being someone that you were not. You were never going to be like him.'

'But he was my father!'

'Yes Jacob. And you loved him, and you were afraid of him.'

'But...'

'There is no shame in loving your father. And I am truly sorry, but calling one's own son a 'scrawny little whelp' on several occasions is a form a verbal abuse.'

'He did put me down all the time.'

'And yet you never gave up trying to win his approval...that damn stubbornness of yours. Actually in this case, that stubbornness is probably what saved you. True you have some issues but you have a resilient persona.'

Looking in the mirror, Jacob wiped his tears away and felt a wavy of affection from Selmak. The pure appreciation she felt for him was overwhelming.

'You're a good man, Jacob Carter. I'm grateful to have you as my host. You did not fail to protect me. We were in it together. Now you have a choice.'

'I need to tell Sam...everything. I made the mistake by not telling Allison, I can't do that again.'

Again he felt Selmak's warm affections flow through him. He quickly returned the favor letting her feel how much he appreciated her as well.


	10. Former Colonel of the SGC, Jack O'Neill

Author's notes: ' ' internal thoughts; " " dialogue

* * *

Jack had to get out the infirmary. It was driving him nuts just lying around and doing nothing. He finally got his wish after harassing Dr. Fraiser long enough that she threw her clip board down in frustration and thrust a pair of crutches in his face, ordering him to keep his weight of his leg and to leave...immediately. She even threatened to have him booted out of the Airforce if he returned! Not ready to retire, again, Jack hurried his ass out of there.

Smiling and free, he quickly headed for the locker room to get out of his infirmary pajamas. Since he could handle a pair of crutches easily, from having used them so many times before, and made his way to the locker room at a galloping pace, warning people along the way to either move or get a crutch up the rear.

Of course he might not have need the crutches at all if Jacob hung around long enough to use that hand healing device...thing on Jack's leg. After all, it was Colonel Jack O'Neill's team that rescued 'dad' in the first place. A little gratitude would have been appreciated, at least that's what Jack felt.

Then thinking back to the incident in the infirmary, Jack decided that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Jacob was being rather cranky and didn't look like he could help himself much less anyone else. Yet, even in his weakened condition Jacob was still a formidable man, with that 'don't fuck with me' tone in his voice. Yep, Jack was definitely convinced that he was better off not asking for Jacob's help.

Still, Jack felt for the man he had come to respect. He had gone through hell, much like Jack did in Iraq, and survived. And even though he didn't know Major Carter's father well, Jack did understand him. Jacob was a career military man. He truly loved his daughter. Plus he was General Hammond's good friend, which meant a lot in Jack's mind.

Finally, fully dressed in his green fatigues, Jack headed straight for Daniel's lab wondering what he and Teal'c were up to. Hopefully they would be up to heading off base for a late breakfast, Jack wanted some really food, not that commissary crap. And since it was his right leg that was injured, he couldn't drive.

"Jack! There you are!"

"Yes, Daniel...here I am."

"General Hammond wants to talk with us immediately. Apparently, Sam's father was attacked!"

"What?"

"By soldiers from our government!"

"Is 'dad' ok?" Jack asked as they quickly headed down the hallway towards and into an elevator.

"Yeah, Sam says he's fine," Daniel said pushing a button. "General Hammond's on the phone right now making a few calls."

"What does our government want with Sam's dad?"

"Well...he does have a symbiote inside him...think of the scientific research they could do with a live symbiote."

"Maybourne...that son of a bitch!" Jack seethed as they stepped out of the elevator. "He couldn't get junior so now he goes for Jacob's snake! What an asshole!"

"You've heard," Hammond said as Jack and Daniel joined him and in the briefing room.

"Yes, sir. Daniel was just filling me in on some of the details. This stinks of the NID!"

"You are indeed correct, O'Neill," Teal'c said solemnly.

"I just got off the phone with one of my sources," Hammond explained. "The NID were looking to get a hold of Jacob's symbiote."

"Nothing like kicking a man when he's down...right sir? I mean Jacob hasn't even recovered yet!" Jack exclaimed.

"And yet, Jacob Carter defeated three of them single handed in hand to hand combat," Teal'c added showing his admiration and respect for the General.

"Way to kick some ass Jacob!" Jack said pumping his fist in the air then noticed the serious look on his CO's face. "Sorry sir. I can't help but feel good about the NID getting what they deserve...sir."

"I'm sending a team by chopper to the cabin," Hammond continued.

"We'll go sir!" Jack quickly volunteered.

The two men and jaffa each gave Jack a look...are you nuts?

"What?"

* * *

It didn't take long for Jack to convince General Hammond into letting him go. Ten minutes of being annoying was all it took. Any longer and Hammond would have made Jack turn in his letter of resignation.

Jack was on a roll today for pissing people off. He blamed it on the painkillers, they were making him kind of loopy. His argument was sound, he didn't need to lead the search. He could easily wait at the cabin while SG-3 did the investigating.

In fact, while SG-3 was out in the cold investigating, Jack was warming up by the fire. Major Carter was outside with Daniel and Teal'c talking while Jack was casually observing Jacob who was sitting quietly with a full glass of scotch in his hand and a half-empty bottle on the coffee table in front of him.

The alcoholic beverage didn't seem to be doing Jacob any good. The man looked like he had been chewed up, swallowed and shot out of a demon's ass! But Jack didn't mention that Jacob looked like shit instead he made small talk.

"Are you growing a beard?" Jack asked breaking the silence.

"What?"

"Your beard..."

"Oh...that," Jacob sighed scratching his chin. "Selmak usually keeps the hair from growing too fast. But he's still recovering. And I'm on vacation so I didn't see the need to shave."

Jack thought of asking Jacob if Selmak could do something about his hairline too but refrained. Jack has already alienated two officers today; a third would not be a charm. Plus he didn't want Jacob to be cranky again.

"So how often do you have to shave?" he asked instead and was actually curious to know.

"About once every other week."

"Cool!"

"One of the perks of being a Tok'ra," Jacob shrugged before taking a long drink.

"What about alcohol? Can you get drunk?"

"Only if Selmak allows it."

"That probably doesn't happen much."

Jacob suddenly had a devilish grin on his face.

"Do tell..."

"Oh, I was just remembering our, or actually my, first encounter with the Goa'uld's version of rum the Tok'ra keep in stock. No nonblended human can drink it and it make's this stuff seem like water. It will get both you and your symbiote seriously fucked up."

Jack laughed with Jacob. He had to. He wasn't expecting the General to open up like that. It was the first time since Jack arrived that he noticed Jacob finally relax a little. But Jack was more amused by the image he saw of the Tok'ra getting smashed. It was quite different from the image he had been presented of them during his first encounter.

"Another perk, because of the symbiote's healing abilities, we don't have to ever worry about hangovers!"

"Sweet!" Jack smiled just as the front door opened. "Colonel Makepeace?"

"General Carter was right, sir. They're gone. All we found was this tranquilizer dart."

"That was the dart they shot me with," Jacob explained not even bothering to stand up.

"Ok...that will be all," Jack said. "Get the chopper warmed up."

Jack waited until he was alone with Jacob again.

"Hammond asked me to try and convince you to return to the base or at least back into town. He said he would feel better if he could have our people keep an eye on you. But I'm not going to try. I can see you still have some things to work out and I doubt they'll try to kidnap you again so soon."

Jacob nodded and took another drink from his glass, draining the remaining liquid in one gulp. He finally looked up at Jack for the first time since Jack arrived.

"Thank you Jack."

"No problem..."

"No..." Jacob sighed wearily. "I mean thank you for coming to get me and Selmak out of that hell hole. We both appreciated it very much."

"You're welcome...both of you," Jack said then started to head towards the front door but stopped and couldn't help himself when he asked, "Oh...by the way, since you're in such a gracious mood...you wouldn't be able to do something about my leg would you?"

Jacob raised an eyebrow at him. Jack had a quick image flash of Jacob towering over Dr. Fraiser and suddenly felt small himself, even though Jacob was sitting down. If he wanted the man could probably smack Jack from Colonel to Airman.

"Not until Selmak's fully recovered. Then we would be happy to take care of your leg," Jacob said much to Jack's relief.

"And when might that be?" Jack asked, again unable to stop himself.

"Jack...go home."

"Right...I should go."

'Note to self, better quit while ahead next time. Signed Former Colonel of the SGC, Jack O'Neill...that's two L's!' Jack thought as he hurried out the door.


	11. Revelations Part Two

Author's notes: some language

* * *

They were alone again, no more distractions, no more procrastinating, no more excuses. He was ready. And though Jacob was watching the flames flickering, he could feel the weight of Sam's stare. She was ready too, patiently sitting beside him on the couch.

Jacob looked into his empty glass for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. The twelve years old scotch was good and warmed him up but he had enough. Maybe a little too much. Selmak hadn't prevented the alcohol from effecting him and he was afraid he might fall on his face if he leaned forward to set the glass down on the coffee table in front of him. But he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't think clearly, his mind was still as sharp as ever. While he was resolved to having this talk, he still needed the alcohol to help him relax.

Turning he saw Sam was still waiting patiently for him to begin. She didn't smile. She didn't appear angry but just content to be silent. There was no going back now.

"Ever since my blending with Selmak, I...well lets just say he's made me face many of my personal demons. He got me to reconcile with Mark. My relationship with you has improved dramatically. I mean we can have a conversation that lasts longer than five minutes without getting into an argument!"

"Of which I need to thank Selmak for!" Sam smiled.

"Don't worry, I've thank him enough times for the both of us on that one. I have so much to be grateful to Selmak for."

Jacob smiled and took hold of Sam's hand.

"Especially this...I would never be talking with you like this if it hadn't been for Selmak. I would never have been willing to open up to you, about things that I've never discussed with your mother, like I'm ready to do now. What I want to talk about will help explain why I'm having these nightmares."

"Even the nightmares you had after Vietnam?"

"I'm curious, just how much do you know about that?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"General Garrett told me what was in the reports, along with his opinions. Some of it I figured out for myself. Plus, I remember when you came home, you were hurt physically and mentally. I remember you having nightmares."

"How could you? You were only three!"

Sam shrugged her shoulders and replied, "My dad was hurt. I never saw you hurt before. That kind of leaves an impression on a three years old."

"Well, you were always smart for your age...too smart."

"And you were always overly protective of your family and friends. Even before you would leave on a mission you made sure mom knew what to do in case of an emergency. You even made Mark remember the phone numbers for the fire and police departments. When I was in high school you made sure I knew how to defend myself. Of course, at the time, I though it was ridiculous. Only later did I learn to appreciate what you did. But dad...you can't protect everyone."

Jacob sighed, "Sam, I have to try. It's a part of who I am."

"Dad..."

"Sam, let me explain why," he said holding up his hand. "Now, just bare with me, everything I have to say has a reason behind it. It's very important and it is something I need to talk with you about. It is also something I'm afraid to talk with you about."

Jacob quickly set the glass down and took a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"Your mother's death hit me hard, harder than you know," he spoke softly, his eyes instantly filled with tears. "I had blamed myself for Allison's death. In my mind, I could have tried a little harder to get away from work but I didn't because I knew she would take a taxi if I was late. It wouldn't have been the first time she had done so."

"Which is why...I...which is why...why I wasn't expecting you or your brother to react the way you did. Because of my own grief, I didn't know how to respond to Mark's anger. I didn't know how to respond to your silence. When I tried to reach out to your brother lashed out at me. As a result, when I tried with you I tried not to reach too far, afraid that too much would push you farther away. And the last thing I wanted to do was push you both even further away."

"The only problem was that over time we grew accustomed to the distance between us," he said wiping Sam's tears away. "But it wasn't your fault Sam, or your brother's. It was my fault. I'm to blame. I'm your father. It was my responsibility to bridge the gap long ago and I really fucked up by not doing so. At the time I was so wrapped up in my own grief...I couldn't handle yours and Marks as well."

"Looking back, I know that was where my mistake was. I didn't realize I should have just grabbed Mark and held him as tight as I could when he cursed at me and tried to hit me. I didn't realize how the power of a simple hug could go a long way. Why else do you think I've never entirely forgiven myself for your mother's death...I failed, not only as a husband, but as a father."

"Dad, you're not a failure," Sam wept.

"Sam...shh, it's ok," Jacob sighed pushing her hair back. "I know when I've made a mistake. I've made quite a few during my lifetime. I've held myself accountable for things that I didn't even have control over. The only difference now, is that I know how to let go...how to finally forgive myself for something like your mother's accident or for Mike's death...for my failure to protect my symbiote. Before I used to think it was stubbornness or my pride keeping me from letting go...but I was wrong."

"It's difficult to try and live up to your own father's expectations. Only, I didn't realize until today that I have spent my entire life trying to make my father proud of me."

"My father was more stubborn than me. He was less forgiving too. He was a fierce man and big, six foot six and built like a heavyweight boxer. He used his size to intimidate people smaller than him. And his son was no different than one of those people."

"I was this skinny kid terrified of my own father yet desperate for his approval because he wanted me to be just like him. But I already had three strikes against me. First of all, I looked nothing like my father, most of my physical features I got from my mother. Second, I was scrawny and would never have his build nor be as physically strong; physical strength was important to him. Third, I was smarter than him."

"Smarter?" Sam asked

"I know, it doesn't make any sense. Maybe he was made fun of when he was a boy...I don't know. But the better my grades the more angry he got with me. My mother was the one who would always be the one comforting me through my tears, telling me how proud she was of my efforts."

"In fact there was only one time my father said he was proud of me. I got into a fight at school with a bully and won. I head butted the kid knocking him out and giving myself a good scar on my forehead. But it seemed like everything else I did wasn't good enough for him. It's like I wasn't even good enough to be his son."

"Then the day before he left to go fight in Korea, he took me aside and we had a long talk. Well, it was about five minutes but that was long for him. My father asked me to take care of my mother while he was away. He asked me. He told me that I would be the man of the house. That it was my responsibility to take care of her. He said 'You better make me proud boy and don't let me down.' I was thinking that I finally got my chance, that I could finally prove to him I was worthy, that I could finally make him proud of me."

Jacob slumped back into his seat, looking back at the fire.

"Only that didn't happen. I never saw him again after that day. Son of a bitch was killed in action. He never even told me he loved me."

"How old were you?" Sam gently asked.

"Eight."

"So young," she gasped.

* * *

Sam watched as her father excused himself to go make a call to nature. He looked tired as he walked out but not drunk, despite the fact he drank two thirds of a bottle of scotch. Still, she decided it was best to put the scotch away in the liquor cabinet.

While waiting for him, she thought back to when her mother had died. Her father was entirely to blame for what happened after. She and Mark didn't make things easy for their father. Either one of them could have reached out to him. It was that damn Carter stubbornness, starting with her grandfather that she knew nothing about until today, always causing problems. And now Sam was determined for it to never interfere again.

At least now she understands where her father got his almost obsessive need to protect the one's he cares about. Sam didn't care if it was like that back in those days, eight years old was too young to be burdened with that kind of responsibility. It left her to wonder how much of his father he tried to emulate growing up.

"Sam, do you want some water or soda?" he asked breaking her train of thought.

"What? Oh...no thanks I'm fine," she smiled.

"You didn't have to worry you know."

"About what?" she asked when he stepped into the kitchen.

After a moment he came out with a bottle of water and sat back down beside her with a grin on his face.

"I wasn't planning on drinking any more of the scotch."

Sam laughed, making him laugh too. And looking at him, she realized that he was different. But he wasn't the new Jacob Carter, complete with Tok'ra symbiote, she thought she knew. He was the old Jacob Carter, before Allison died. He was his old self, improved thanks to an added bonus feature called Selmak.

Allison's death did have a profound effect on the family. It started a chain of events that changed Jacob. Before the accident he did show his affections, he would tell his children that he loved them whenever he was able to tuck them into bed at night. The military had trained him to keep his emotions in check; and he did that everywhere except within the privacy of their home. He was still reserved but nothing like he was after the accident. Then to think he was a failure made Sam realize it only caused him to withdraw even further.

"What's wrong?" he asked wiping a tear from her cheek.

"You're nothing like your father," she smiled.

"Well, I do have his stubbornness, no getting rid of that, it's in our genes. And God knows I tried to be like him. Thankfully it didn't take. I merely tried to live by some of his standards by being the person I was. And thank God for my mother influence. She never let me get away with anything! Her temper, though rarely shown, was worse than my father's was! In fact, one of the reasons I fell in love with your mother was because she had a fiery temper like my mother's."

Jacob suddenly started to laugh. And while he was laughing, he didn't look so tired anymore. His eyes were filled with a joy Sam hadn't seen in a long time.

"What?" she asked curious to know what had brought this change over him so quickly.

"The day I met your mother, she was pissed at me because she thought I was trying to take her cab from her. I was in a hurry to get back to the base and my mind was preoccupied because I had just been visiting my mother who was sick in the hospital. I didn't even notice this lovely blonde had hailed the same cab."

"Of course, because I happen to be wearing my uniform, Allison just went off...you know how she angry she would get sometimes. Well this was worse. I didn't learn, until later, that her father was a Marine and you and I both know the rivalry between the Airforce and Marines. So she already disliked for me."

"But anyway, here I am, standing there getting berated by this beautiful woman, with the boldest blue eyes I've ever seen, who wouldn't let me get my two words in. And I'm thinking she's either going to kick me in the balls or knock my head off if I don't let her have the cab."

"What did you do?" Sam asked excitedly.

"I kept my calm, gave her my deepest, humble apology, and held the door open for her. Then I gave the cab driver money for her fair, which caught her completely off guard. Then suddenly she's apologizing to me for getting so angry and offered to share the cab."

"Did you take it?" Sam asked while he was taking a drink of water.

Jacob smiled at her.

"Dad!"

"Of course I took it! I had the cab driver take us to her destination first, even though it was way of my way. By the time the cab reached her apartment I had asked her out for a date. She accepted. Which made getting chewed out for being late by my CO much more tolerable."

Sam watched as her father's smile brightened. It made her realize that he still love Allison very much, even to this day.

"You still miss her."

"Yes," he said softly.

"Why haven't you ever talked about her before? You've never talked about her ever since she died."

"I was afraid to," he said looking directly at her. "Your brother made it clear he blamed me for Allison's accident. While you weren't vocal about it, I could see the accusation in your eyes. That bridge between us was already so far that I didn't want to push you both any further away. It took years before you forgave me...shit look how long it took with Mark."

"While my blending with Selmak has been the best thing that could have happened to me I still couldn't talk to about your mother. We were finally becoming a family again, maybe not the same family but still a family. I didn't want to spoil that by digging up old feelings and memories of your mother."

Sam hated to admit it but he had a point.

* * *

Her mind was working, he could tell. Sam would get the tiniest little wrinkle in her brow whenever her mind was working overtime.

"You look so much like your mother," he sighed. "Same eyes, same hair...same fiery temper."

"Dad!"

"You even have her laugh."

She quit laughing but kept smiling at him. She had her mother's smile too.

"What is it?" he asked knowing there was something she wanted to ask him.

"On Netu...there's something I'm still confused about. I know you felt helpless because you couldn't protect Selmak but who was the woman with you."

Jacob slowly scratched the stubble on his cheek, contemplating his answer.

"You're not going to let me get off easy with this one are you?" he asked.

"No," she smiled devilishly at him.

There was no avoiding it now. He already told her about his childhood. Why not this.

Clearing his throat, he replied honestly, "There was no woman."

Sam blinked in surprise.

"I'm don't understand."

"Well...they say symbiotes don't have a gender, which is true. Physically a symbiote is neither male nor female. But what the Tok'ra don't tell you, and will never admit even if hell freezes over, is that symbiotes do have their preferences."

"Oh," Sam smiled. "And Selmak...?"

"Selmak is definitely a woman," he laughed. "In fact, I'm the first male host she's ever blended with. Can you imagine her predicament? Hundreds of years being a woman then you're thrown into a guy like me!"

"That must have made it very interesting when you blended!"

"You have no idea!" he said with a big smile.

"What?" Sam asked when Jacob suddenly chuckled.

"Let's just say that in certain situations it comes in handy having that woman's point of view."

"Dad!"

"It's not what you think," he smiled. "I haven't crossed that bridge yet. Neither has Selmak. But don't think for a second that I've had any influence on her! There is absolutely no way to make a dent in those hundreds of years she spent being in a woman's body. No way in hell."

"Then...why do you refer to Selmak as 'he'?"

"To cut down on the confusion for others and so no one will think I'm NUTS! I'm mean, can you just see me, a two star no nonsense retired General/Tok'ra operative, calling my symbiote a female to the likes of Colonel O'Neill or George. I wouldn't even call her a female amongst the other Tok'ra! But don't worry about her, you should here the shit she gives me every time I call her a him."

Sam smiled taking hold of his hand.

"You love her."

"Yes, I love the little snake. It's hard not to, she's in my head all the time. She has a fiery temper too. And a wonderful sense of humor. But all of this is just between you, Selmak, and I understand? If a rumor gets out that cranky old Jacob Carter love's his spunky symbiote, who scream's 'I am woman hear me roar,' I'm done for!"

"Don't worry dad!" Sam laughed uncontrollably. "It's our secret!"

"Good...so what does a guy have to do around here to get some food to eat? I'm starving!"


	12. Good Times Again

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jacob kept his eyes closed while he reached, feeling around for the alarm clock. The beeping seemed to be growing louder and was getting to be really annoying. The only thing more annoying was that he couldn't find the damn clock to turn it off. Then his eyes popped open realizing that there was no alarm clock.

'Selmak! I was sleeping!'

'For too long I might add! It's time to get up! Wouldn't want you to sleep through your father-daughter vacation,' Selmak replied playfully.

Grabbing the pillow Jacob groaned loudly and covered his head.

'Ten more minutes,' he pleaded.

'Sorry, Jacob. I don't have a snooze button,' she replied sarcastically.

'Or an off button,' he added with a wicked grin on his face.

That grin quickly disappeared when his stomach suddenly felt like it was about to hurl last night's dinner.

'Stop it!' he said sitting up covering his mouth. 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Stop it! I'm sorry!'

'You should be sorry...off button!,' she harrumphed while Jacob sighed in relief.

'I hate it when you wiggle around in there like that. Make's me want to puke.'

Selmak didn't reply but Jacob felt her anger quickly dissolve into amusement. She seemed to be in a delightful mood despite his wise ass remark about an off button. He smiled getting to his feet. It was a wonderful feeling having her back to her usual self.

"Oh, crap!" he cried out looking at the time on his watch. "It's past noon! We slept for..."

'Sel...when did I go to bed last night?'

'You never made it to bed on your own. Shortly after dinner you fell asleep on the couch while Samantha was talking. She didn't realize you were sleeping until you started snoring.'

'I don't snore!'

'Yes you do! You snored for most of the fifteen hours that we slept.'

'I don't snore!'

'Yes, you do!'

'Whatever. How did I get dressed in my pajamas then?'

'Samantha,' Selmak said instantly feeling Jacob blush. ' Don't be embarrassed, Jacob. I was too weak to do dress you by myself. Besides, she got a kick out of your boxer shorts.'

'Hey! These are my favorite! They're kind of like the ones Allison bought for me as a joke.'

Jacob felt a tingling sensation at the back of his neck and he had this mental image of Selmak rolling on the floor in laughter. At the same time he could hear she was laughing uncontrollable.

'Ok, jokes over. Besides, I don't care. I like the smiley faces. Plus, it's not like anyone gets to see me in my underwear, so who's to know.'

"Dad, you up?" Sam called quietly from outside the door.

"I'm up," he yawned opening the bedroom door. "Sorry I slept in so late."

"Looks like it did you both a lot of good," Sam smiled reaching and pulling the bandages of his eyebrow. "Your bruises are gone too."

Glancing down he saw the bruises were all gone, as were the scratches. His body did ache and was a little stiff but that was normal after a healing session.

"Selmak is feeling much better. I can usually tell by the sound of her beeps."

"What?"

"Oh...she likes to use the sound of an alarm clock to wake me up. When she's in a good mood I get this nice soft beep."

"What about if she's angry?"

"It's a loud, annoying fire alarm going off in my head!"

"I'll let you get dressed," Sam laughed. "Lunch is ready if you're hungry. There's also some fresh coffee."

"Great, I'm famished. I'll be there in a few."

'Ah...Jacob you're not going to be drinking any coffee, are you?' Selmak asked as they headed into the bathroom.

'Yes, why?' he replied inspecting where the gash used to be on his eyebrow.

'It's nasty stuff, makes me feel jittery. How could something that smells so good taste so bitter?'

'Not to your liking?'

'No. What about hot chocolate with marshmallows? It sounds so sweet and I like chocolate. Plus, it was a favorite drink your mother used to make for you when you were a boy.'

'Only I'm not a boy anymore.'

'That's for sure. Are you going to ever shave? If not, I'll do it.'

'No way! I'll shave myself. I let you try one time too many.'

'But I only tried once.'

'Exactly.'

It took ten minutes for Jacob to get dress and shave. He felt ten times better than he did yesterday. All due to Selmak. He could sense she wasn't one hundred percent yet but she was damn close.

'A goatee?' she pointed out after Jacob dried his face.

'I wanted to do something different for a change. Don't worry, I'll shave it off before we go back to the Tok'ra. Unless you like it, then I'll keep it.'

'I don't know. You can keep it if you have hot chocolate with marshmallows instead of coffee.'

'We don't even have...'

'Yes we do! I saw Sam had made herself a cup last night while you were dozing off.'

Jacob simply shook his head and chuckled as he left the bathroom.

* * *

Sam had to suppress a laugh when her dad asked for hot chocolate with marshmallows. Never in her life did she imagine him having such a sweet drink. But there he was, dunking the marshmallows with a spoon before taking a sip.

He tried telling her Selmak never had it before and was curious. While it was a good answer, Sam knew better. Her father knew to well how you drink hot chocolate. He even got hot chocolate on the top part of his goatee making Sam giggle as she wiped it off.

"Dad, I have a surprise for you," Sam said leading him into the living room.

Near the front door were a couple of boxes. She picked one up and headed over to the couch, offering him the seat beside her.

"Dad, you know I love you. And I don't want you to ever be afraid to talk about mom with me anymore."

"Thanks Sam. That means a lot to me because you remind me so much of her. You have her smile. Her hair and eyes...unfortunately you inherited my stubbornness."

"Thank God I have your stubbornness. It's saved my life on numerous occasions!"

"And I thought you were using your brains the whole time!"

"Dad!"

"Sorry honey. I knew what you meant," he smiled. "So what's in the boxes?"

"I found them in the basement of your house, which is now my house. They're full of pictures...of the family."

Sam reached opened a box pulling out a picture then handed it to him

"Your mother loved taking pictures...but she never seemed to have time to organize them," Jacob said sadly looking at the photograph.

"I thought we could organize them...put them into photo albums."

Jacob suddenly burst into laughter.

"What?"

"Selmak can't believe that I actually had a full head of hair during part of my adulthood. She always thought it was a figment of my imagination," he explained making Sam laugh so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"She says you looked cute with pigtails and ribbons in your hair," he smiled warmly.

"When was that picture taken?"

"A month after I came home from Vietnam...we went to some fireworks fair that July in 1970," he sighed staring at the picture. "It was your first fireworks show. You got scared and started crying when they started shooting them off."

"I don't remember that."

"I do. I held you all night until you fell asleep in my arms. I even made Allison drive because I didn't want to let you go."

Sam leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks dad," she smiled.

Rummaging through the boxes, Sam and her father began organizing the photos. It was time consuming but that was the purpose. It gave Sam and her father time to reminisce over the photos. Laughing at most, feeling sadness from some.

It wasn't until late that day that Sam saw her father holding a cigar box he pulled from the bottom one of the boxes. He slowly opened the lid and pulled out the top photograph. Curious Sam moved next to him and he showed it to her.

"Is that you and Mike?"

"Yes."

"You two seemed close."

"Like brothers."

"Is that...dad, I didn't know you used to smoke."

"It was almost required. I mean it was part of your supplies you were knife, assault rifle, carton of smokes and a book of matches or a lighter if you were an officer. After I came home, I never smoked in front of your mother or you kids. I only smoked for a couple of years then decided to quit. I never really liked it, it was more a habit than anything."

"Why are you both covered in mud?" she asked when he finished.

He smiled, "The guys in my unit, seeing that Mike and I were the same height and weight, made a bet that Mike could kick my ass in a wrestling match. There wasn't much to do at the time and I had my ego to defend so I agreed, as did Mike."

"Who won?"

"It was a tie. Neither of us could take advantage. We had been going at it for an hour before Garrett finally decided enough was enough. He didn't want us to get injured too badly."

Jacob put the picture back and sighed, "Two weeks later Mike was killed."

"Oh my God," Jacob laughed picking up another photograph. "Here's one for ya!"

It was of two pilots in front of a fighter plane. One was her father the other was a man who's smile she immediately recognized.

"Is that?"

"Uncle George!" Jacob laughed. "Well, that's what you used to call him. We should give this to him as a present. He would get a kick out of it. Maybe he'll even tell you the story about that aircraft in the picture."

"Why won't you?"

"He made me swear to never tell a soul!"

After their laughter faded, Sam saw her father's face turn serious.

"Sam, when we visit Mark and his family next week...we should take some pictures. I think it's time my grandchildren learned about their grandmother."

"Sounds great!" she said hugging and kissing him. "I think Mark would like that very much."

"I hope so," he smiled.


	13. Home Away From Home, Bonus Chapter

Author's notes: Bonus Chapter dedicated to Selmak and her fans!

* * *

Selmak stopped on the steps, after emerging from the Stargate, and took a deep breath of the dry desert air before heading to the ring location. Her host, Jacob, had willing given her full control of his body. The last time she was actually in control was during their capture, it was not a memorable occasion. However, since that time much has happened. Much that only served to strengthen the bond with her host.

Almost entirely on his own, Jacob finally learned to overcome his deepest pain and reach an understanding about himself. In doing so the relationship with his daughter Samantha grew stronger. As well has the relationship with his son, Mark.

Jacob was a little hesitant when presenting Mark with a special photo album Jacob arranged himself. The pictures were primarily of his wife, Allison, from the time she was a girl to the year she died. At first there was a long agonizing moment, until Mark literally threw his arms around his father and squeezed the breath out of Jacob's lungs. He eagerly returned the favor.

That was her host, her Jacob; he had come so far since their blending. Selmak was so proud of him. And yes, she loved him too. She learned her fears were unfounded for keeping secrets from him. He wasn't angry or upset but understanding and sympathetic. Selmak was pleasantly surprised when Jacob asked her to remain awake during his vacation with his family. After all, they were her family too.

During their vacation Selmak had never felt such happiness from Jacob. There were times his joy was so overwhelming she felt absolutely delirious, allowing herself to be completely consumed by it. His happiness was her happiness and together it made their pain a distant memory.

Now she was home. Or at least close enough to a home. For Jacob home will always be Earth, not even Selmak could persuade him differently nor would she even try. Home for her was, and has been for hundreds of years, the sandy planets and crystal tunnels of the Tok'ra. True the décor was rather dull and boring, but the life of a Tok'ra was anything but dull.

Selmak was happy to be back. Not necessarily happy about running for their lives from time to time but happy to be back with her friends. Once below the surface she was greeted with that tingly sensation when nearing other symbiotes, her friends. She missed the sensation. On Earth she only felt a slight tinge when near Samantha, which made Jacob happy to sense his daughter's presence. Only there was nothing like feeling dozens upon dozens of symbiotes in the immediate vicinity. It was feeling she had all her life and it made her extremely happy. And her happiness was also Jacob's.

Despite leaving Earth and his family, Jacob was already in such a wonderfully mood. And it was difficult to tell whose happiness was affecting who. The only thing spoiling the moment was a small pang of guilt she was feeling deep within. Jacob had opened up completely to Selmak hiding nothing, making him feel blissfully content, while she felt guilty for keeping one secret from him.

So Selmak decided it was finally time, time to reveal the one last secret she was keeping from him. Plus, it was better that she tells him here in their quarters while they were alone. And he was in such a good mood, why not tell him now.

'You know Selmak, I can shave my goatee if you really don't like it,' Jacob said as she unpacked her favorite sweets.

'That won't be necessary Jacob. I've grown accustomed to it.'

'Then what's wrong?'

Selmak sighed, relinquishing control of Jacob's body back to him only heightening his awareness that something was troubling her.

'Why did you do that? I was content to tag along.'

'I know Jacob.'

'So what's wrong?'

'There is something I wish to tell you. One last secret I've been keeping from you.'

'What?' he asked, a little surprised.

Selmak hesitated and her host picked up on it. Jacob seemed more acutely aware of her now. She suddenly began to wonder if she would ever get away with anything ever again.

'What is it, Selmak?'

Of course she would. He knew something was wrong and yet he didn't not know what that something was. Encouraged Selmak continued.

'Jacob, do you remember anything about the last time we had Goa'uld rum?'

'I don't remember. Why?

'Well...how do I put this...'

'It's easier if you just spit it out,' he said playfully teasing her sensing her discomfort. She knew he was relishing the fact that she was uncomfortable for once, instead of him. 'Selmak? Are you still there?'

'Yes, Jacob,' she replied after a long moment.

'Come on. Tell me I won't get mad.'

Selmak was silet but she did squim around a little.

'What can be more embarrassing than my daughter seeing what kind of boxer shorts I like to wear?'

Selmak didn't answer that question. But she was imagining a few scenarios, including the one she was about to reveal to him.

'I'm not sure how to say this.'

'Just tell me...I won't get mad, promise.'

'Iamnotavirginanymore,' she said really fast.

'What did you say? I didn't understand you.'

'I said, I'm not a virgin anymore.'

'I knew that!'

'No, Jacob. I don't think you're understanding me.'

'Selmak...?'

'Well, you are my first male host...'

'Oh God...' Jacob gasped sitting slowly on the bed.

'I was curious...'

'I'm not sure I want to know!' he said covering his eyes with one hand.

'And she was flirting with us...'

'I'm not listening...Lalalalalalalala,' he said plugging his ears with his fingers.

'It just kind of happened!'

'Oh God...Selmak! Please tell me it wasn't Anise!'

Selmak didn't say anything but she was giggling.

'Selmak! Be honest...Tell me it wasn't Anise!'

Even more giggling!

'SELMAK!'

'Oh alright!' she said still laughing and sent him a mental image.

'Oh...well...I always thought she was pretty.'

'Yes, Jacob I know.'

'What do you mean you know?'

'Well...whose impulses do you think I was acting upon?'

Selmak instantly felt Jacob's cheeks blushing.

'She liked your boxers too!' Selmak laughed unable to resist one more remark.

Selmak burst into roaring laughter feeling his cheeks turn an even brighter shade of red. Then after a moment Jacob join her. It was good to be home!


End file.
